Return to the Island: A Poem

Riding over the familiar waves
Stepping off the gangplank
Down the pier
Through the same path
That black spot stubbornly taps
Home, once
I turn my attention
Tap
Snap a photo
A kiss, a smile
Tap
Naked children on the beach
That's a man!
Tap
Stray dogs and dau fu fa
Jenny, Annie
Tap
I can afford the trinkets now
And pull some money out of my pocket
Boat to Aberdeen
"Leung wai, m'goi"
Even Santa Claus taps
I sigh, as I have been doing for ages
I wonder if
She gets taps sometimes too
And sighs

Makeup and Fashion

My girlfriend is so sweet. Preparing to go out today, she was putting on makeup. She can't close her right eye without closing both, so it's difficult for her to apply eyeliner. So I was helping to put on the eyeliner, and we had the following conversation:

Me: I always wanted to study makeup. Hey, I wonder why men who become makeup artists are usually gay. I'm interested in fashion and makeup because I want to make women more beautiful. I would think that more straight guys would be into that.

Her: It's because those straight guys are selfish. They want women to be pretty, but they don't want to take the effort themselves. You're not like that.

Me: Thanks.

I always felt guilty because I think asking women to dress sexy or wear makeup is selfish... but she put it into a different perspective. She made me realize that all women want to be attractive, and for me to help whenever I can is not selfish, but thoughtful. Thanks, sweetie.

Blurbs, Follow-up, Part 1

I think it's time to explain my feelings about the various passages that caught my attention in the entry below.

First, was the quote about not hurting people.

I've been guilty of hurting people. Of course I have. We all have. I've tried not to hurt people. I've never tried to hurt someone deliberately. But sometimes, hurt happens. Others I know have been guilty as well.

A lot of this hurt comes through selfishness:

• "I know if I don't call when I work late it will hurt him, but I really don't want to call. Why should I?"

A little comes through anger:

• "How could you do that to me!? I really want my things back and I don't want to be your friend," (hugely regretted later).

On rare occasions some comes through vindictiveness:

• "I'm not going to give this person his things back because I hate him and I want him to suffer."

But by far, most of the hurt that happens is caused by indifference.

Quite plainly, if you don't care whether you hurt someone or not, no matter how much you make sure you don't deliberately hurt them, you are still going to hurt them. And it's your fault.

It's like driving. You can't drive down the street recklessly, hit someone, and then say, "I didn't mean to hit you!". You were careless. You were reckless. And you hurt someone. Whether you meant to hurt someone or not doesn't matter. The reason you are at fault in the above hypothetical situation is that you didn't take reasonable measures not to hurt them.

Taking measures to not hurt someone is called consideration. And we all need a good dose of it, myself included.

Now... if you've hurt someone, even if you didn't intend to, perhaps it's time to say sorry...

I've said sorry for the things I've done recently, and I've meant it.

Those are the thoughts that that passage sparked in me.

Not made for walking...

Nothing in this world is sexier than a woman in a pair of boots. My favorite boots in this world are by Marc Jacobs.

Wow, what a gorgeous design... the round toe (pointy-toed shoes make women look like witches), thick stratospheric heels, top-quality leather up to just below the knee...

I just bought my girlfriend a pair of not by Marc Jacobs boots. Very nice for 1/10th the price (on sale at Sogo 21/F). They are black suede, have the round toe, a Marc Jacobs style heel, and nice fur accents (great winter boots), so it was really a bargain. But still... as soon as I can afford it... She's going to be wearing a pair of these, with her shortest miniskirt, a summer top, and (if I'm a good boy, and she's in the right mood) nothing else undernteath. I'll have to scrape my tongue off the floor.

Ironically, it was a pair of boots that was the catalyst in the start of my relationship with my ex-girlfriend, though her intelligence , youthfulness and strength of character were the glue that made me stick to her, but... I guess some things just aren't meant to be. Ah well...

Blurbs

Three things from various media that caught my attention yesterday:

1. I’m currently reading “Black Swan Green” by my David Mitchell (it’s so nice to get back to reading again – my depression had made me forget the joy of literature!), and this passage connected:

Me, I want to bloody kick this moronic bloody world in the bloody teeth
over and over till it bloody understands that not hurting people is
ten bloody thousand times more bloody important than being right.

2. At the same Time, I was listening to my iPod (again, in the deepest part of my depression I wasn’t listening to much music - a really bad sign for me) and a song “Someday Soon” by the Doves came on, with the following lyrics…

Someday soon you'll know how it feels to love someone
Someday soon you'll know how it feels to trust someone

3. Before I got home last night I was reminded of the movie “Flatliners” with Kiefer Sutherland and Kevin Bacon, where the premise was that we all had to face our demons -- those things that made us feel most guilty, and the things that made us the ugliest inside.

Up to you to figure out what this all means to me... ;)

Groening is a genius...

Everybody knows Matt Groening.

You know, he was the guy who created this: and my favorite, this:

But although the Simpsons is sarcastically funny and Futurama a bit more sophisticatedly hilarious (Kegelcizer! {explained}), I am convinced no one can depict the modern relationship as well as Groening does in Life In Hell. And what an apt title.



Some people don't get the dry with of Akbar and Jeff's ever changing feelings. The fact is, this is exactly what happens in real life, people! If you don't understand Life In Hell, I guarantee you don't understand relationships. I think Groening should write the textbook for Sociology 101.

More here:

http://hell.capefeare.com/comic.php

Unbelievably busy...

I've done it before... but was I a fool to attempt the 2 job thing?

One thing's for certain, at the end of this month my finances will be looking pretty smooth, and at the end of November I'll be bloody rich.

And my desk job is the one I want to develop into my career.

The only thing that helps me get through it physically is to go home and hold Fanny as I fall asleep, and to spend Sunday with her. It seems like if she's there I sleep so much more solid, and 5 hours can suffice where normally I'd be exhausted. I feel sorry for those people who can't relax with someone. They really don't know what they're missing...

Maybe I don't love Fanny as much as I should... but she gives me one thing... security, and even if it doesn't work out between us, I'll always love her for that.

It was the same thing with Jackie. I needed that security from her. So sue me. Kill me, break up with me! What a crime... to want to hold the woman you love. Only problem was... she mistook the unhappiness I felt because I couldn't hold her (because she wasn't there)... for jealousy. She still so foolishly thinks I was jealous or suspicious. God, how little she knew me. The man she said so many times that she loved. The truth is, I wasn't jealous at all! I just wanted her to be there with me to sleep with, and to spend a completely reasonable amount of intimate time with. That's all.

I loved her, and when I couldn't hold her to sleep I felt so exhausted. That was the start of the end of our relationship. She didn't understand how much of an impact it had on me -- or she simply didn't respect that I was different than her and wanted to hold the woman I loved.

I now know that she simply has trouble understanding (and trusting) -- or caring about -- other people's feelings. Yet she demands that other people consider hers, without compromise...

And then when other people hurt her the same way she hurts them, after they're so frustrated with the way she's ignored their feelings... she blames them for it. I'm not the only one who has said so. I'm just the only one stupid enough to still have faith in her.

She always said "It doesn't matter what you do for me, I don't have to do anything for you in return". Some day she'll wake up and get the fact that she has to care about people's feelings, and sometimes (God forbid!) compromise, just to make someone feel better.

Life is about give and take. And Lord knows I give more than I can afford. With Fanny I'm finally getting some honest, selfless, caring in return.

But damn I spent too much money on her last weekend...