Romance: False prophets and empty ideals...
I've just finished a pretty decent (though not great) book, considered to be a classic by one of the most well-respected authors of our time: Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez.
It's a pretty straightforward account of a man (Florentino Ariza) who loves a particular woman (Fermina Daza) for his entire life, even though she doesn't love him. He goes on to live his life from one meaningless sexual encounter to another to divert himself from loneliness, and whenever anyone gets too close, he rebuffs them, because in his mind, he can never love anyone except for Fermina Daza.
How silly.
This is the real world. The idea that there may be "the one" sounds romantic, but it's just plain nutty. Think of it this way... if there really is "the one" for a person, out of 6.6 BILLION people in the world, what would be the chance of ANYONE finding their "the one". There's actually a pretty good chance that if you think someone is "the one", you're wrong, and a decision not to move on when your romance with "the one" can affect you for the rest of your life.
The fact is that there is no such thing as "the one" and holding on to the idea that someone (who might even have been so honest as to say they can never love you) might be "the one", and waiting for them to "come around" can only -- as the book proves -- lead to a very long, loveless life.
And when someone you love no longer loves you, MOVE ON! Let them go. Don't just pass the time with superficial relationships. But look for the next one you truly love, as a new person, not needing to be compared to the target of your unrequited teenagesque idolatry.
In my opinion, when we've lost someone, and then we manage to find someone we can love, and they love you, we really should try our best to make things work, even when imperfections appear! Don't be a quitter. And don't hold on to "the one", who has already told you you weren't for him/her.
When I lost M, who I loved with all of my heart, I tried to fix things for months. But I was still prepared to move on.
That says NOTHING about whether my love for M was true! Only that I think it's idiotic to live a loveless life just because of one rejection.
I guarantee you I loved M every bit as much as Florentino Ariza loved Fermina Daza. I just wasn't as stupid as he was, and knew when I had to move on, instead of filling my time with meaningless sexual relationships and rejecting anyone who gets too close, as Florentino did.
It's a pretty straightforward account of a man (Florentino Ariza) who loves a particular woman (Fermina Daza) for his entire life, even though she doesn't love him. He goes on to live his life from one meaningless sexual encounter to another to divert himself from loneliness, and whenever anyone gets too close, he rebuffs them, because in his mind, he can never love anyone except for Fermina Daza.
How silly.
This is the real world. The idea that there may be "the one" sounds romantic, but it's just plain nutty. Think of it this way... if there really is "the one" for a person, out of 6.6 BILLION people in the world, what would be the chance of ANYONE finding their "the one". There's actually a pretty good chance that if you think someone is "the one", you're wrong, and a decision not to move on when your romance with "the one" can affect you for the rest of your life.
The fact is that there is no such thing as "the one" and holding on to the idea that someone (who might even have been so honest as to say they can never love you) might be "the one", and waiting for them to "come around" can only -- as the book proves -- lead to a very long, loveless life.
And when someone you love no longer loves you, MOVE ON! Let them go. Don't just pass the time with superficial relationships. But look for the next one you truly love, as a new person, not needing to be compared to the target of your unrequited teenagesque idolatry.
In my opinion, when we've lost someone, and then we manage to find someone we can love, and they love you, we really should try our best to make things work, even when imperfections appear! Don't be a quitter. And don't hold on to "the one", who has already told you you weren't for him/her.
When I lost M, who I loved with all of my heart, I tried to fix things for months. But I was still prepared to move on.
That says NOTHING about whether my love for M was true! Only that I think it's idiotic to live a loveless life just because of one rejection.
I guarantee you I loved M every bit as much as Florentino Ariza loved Fermina Daza. I just wasn't as stupid as he was, and knew when I had to move on, instead of filling my time with meaningless sexual relationships and rejecting anyone who gets too close, as Florentino did.
Labels: literature, relationships
posted by tonton | 6:11 pm
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