More on NPD

While I didn't suffer the physical abuse reported in this story, it made me cry, as I realised just how much I suffered emotionally, and that I am not alone.

"But I Still Love Her"

As I read more and more about NPD, I am shocked by how -- detail-by-detail -- this matches my experience with M.

Soon, she who could make me the happiest person could also make me feel like unlovable scum. So when I was hit, as she told me, I deserved it. If only I could not be so tired and stay awake all night with her and do the shopping, cleaning, DIY, cooking, and earn more and spend more time with her and drive her everywhere but not drive so badly, and tell her something interesting and listen to her more and be like her ex (who had left one day without saying bye after four months) and always be there for her and get out when she told me, she wouldn't get angry with me. Soon the eggshells were so scattered that it was difficult to walk anywhere.

Every detail, save the physical abuse, is consistent with my experience. Even down to the detail of the ex who left without a word.

This really makes me understand what happend much better... and I know now that I can blame neither myself -- nor her -- for what happened, but can only blame the illness.

In my experience, and according to what I've been reading, at the forefront the symptoms of NPD is a complete lack of empathy - the ability to understand or care about how others feel, or to be aware of or care about others' needs.

From what I read, there's nothing at all we can do to help those with NPD to develop what they seem to need most -- a conscience.

I used to think I could reason with them, and that only made things worse -- much worse. Now I just have to accept this disease the way I would accept someone with a physical handicap. And realize that they will never change. And when I'm drawn to another woman who suffers from this illness, as I'm sure I will be, while I can care to a certain extent, as I care about all people, I need to maintain complete detachment, and that means I can never allow myself to love them. Never again.

Sigh.