Not taking any chances this time... LOL

The last time I flew to the States, two years ago, I left a girlfriend that I loved behind. when I came back I found my life was soon to be devastated by her cruelty. Recovering from that was the most difficult thing I've ever done in my life. I was nearly destroyed.

There was someone who helped me out for a while, but only for as long as she felt that she had something to gain from me. As soon as she felt threatened by the prospect of commitment, she ran away and hurt me as well. In order to justify her own cruelty to me, she blamed me for it, as if I were the one whose feelings and actions had changed in a hurtful, selfish way (I guess she might have thought it was selfish for me to love her -- how DARE I!).

Gradually, despite this second trauma, I picked myself up yet again. I refuse to hate women for what they have done to me. I am not so weak that I would become "jaded" by a woman who threw away three years of love because she found a new whim, or by another who one week claimed to love me more than anyone she had ever been with, only to turn around the next week and run away the minute my feelings for her were anything but detached.

Now, because of my strength, and my resilience, my life is better than ever, financially and romantically.

And I'm going back to relive that summer for a few days. Only this time I'm sharing this journey with my love.

It's not that Fanny would be selfish or cruel enough to behave as badly as those in my past; quite the contrary. She would miss me endlessly. We haven't sent a single night apart in the last year. The last night I spent away from her was my birthday night when Charmaine was there for me while Jackie twisted the knife she had in my back (she will never ever understand how cruel she was that night).

No, it's not that I'm afraid Fanny will forget about me or forsake me in that week I'd be in the States. It's just that this time I want to share my experience with the one who means the world to me, and I have the means to do so.

I would have liked to have such an experience with Jackie, as I did love her, and I would definitely have done so, had she stood by my side. But her fear of commitment meant that it would never happen.

I shared plenty of trips with Medeleine, but there was always the problem that she had to loan me the money for my ticket, and she resented me for that very very much.

That I'm buying Fanny's ticket makes this trip so much more special. I know my parents will love her as much as Jeannie does. My best friend Charmaine loves her and thinks she's perfect for me and Jeannie's mom seems to like her as well. It's impossible not to love someone so selfless and kind, yet so intelligent.

I can't wait to visit the Zoo, Disneyland in Anaheim, and share nice times with my family, and hopefully make it to the beautiful California beaches as well.

There are so many advantages to being in a strong, commited relationship with one person. Advantages that cannot even begin to be matched in singlehood.

I am blessed to have that chance once again. I wish everyone could realize how wonderful such a feeling is, and not be threatened by the worthwhile trade of a little freedom for a hell of a lot of security and mostly, love.